I Work Out

My fitness goals, as you know, include increased strength, increased cardio capability, and all the healthful byproducts of that.  They also include…*clearingmythroat*…lookin’ good.

They work ooouuuttt.

Yes.  I, too, am shallow.  I want to look in that mirror and think, “Day-um! She fiiiiiiiinnnnne!”  And there are certainly days when that happens.  More and more often, in fact.  There are those days, yes, when I’m bloated and exhausted and just a mass of MomBlob…but they are fewer and farther between.  Most days, I hear LMFAO blaring in my brain when I’m slipping into my size 6 jeans (they’re getting a tad big, you know) or slithering into one of my FOUR bikinis.  It runs through my head as I navigate my cart through the grocery aisles and around the racks at Target.

She be workin’ on her fitness.

“When I push my cart through Wegmans, this is what I see…
Everyone stops and is starin’ at me.
I got muscles on my arms and I ain’t afraid to show it…
I’m sexy and I know it…”

That’s right.  And that’s just one song.  “Fergilicious” is another that gets its fair share of play time.  Because I be workin’ on my fitness, and Jackson – he’s my witness.  Don’t even try to tell me you’re not doing this too.  I see other women who strut and wonder what song it is they’ve got spinning in their heads.  (I also see the nonstrutting women glaring at those of us who do strut…I gather they’re listening to Gilbert Godfried narrate How To Be Unhappy And Jealous Instead Of Doing Something About Your Life…or something like that.) 

Here are the requirements for my tune wedgies:

It must be superficial and shallow, namely about lookin’ fine and blowin’ minds.

It must have a beat I can wigglewigglewiggle to…yeah yeah.

It must have a catchy refrain that reminds me of my superior rear/abs/delts status.

Check our her guns.

Sometimes, if I catch the eye of jealous MomBlob (and they all immediately take on the appearance of Harry Potter’s Aunt Petunia), the song will make an immediate switch to Joan Jett’s “Bad Reputation” while I smile politely yet knowingly.  I can almost hear Gilbert cackling in her head. 

So my gift to you today, dear Readers, is a little “I Got Fitness and I Know It” playlist.  Here’s my personal soundtrack as I strut through my day, be it at Wegmans, Target, the public pool, or simply doin’ diaper duty here at the M&M Estate.  Feel free to add your own personal “baby got BACK” tunes in the comments section.  I’m always lookin’ for more ways to celebrate my outstandingness and music ranks high on that list.

The Queen’s “I Got Fitness and I Know It” Playlist:
I’m Sexy and I Know It – LMFAO
Fergilicious – Fergie
Bad Reputation – Joan Jett
Fighter – Christina Aguilera
Rumour Has It – Adele
Hanky Panky – Joan Jett
Hey Mama – Black Eyed Peas
You Could Be Mine – Guns N’ Roses
Does Your Mother Know – ABBA
She’s Crafty – Beastie Boys
Boys – Britney Spears
Lay Your Hands On Me – Bon Jovi
Dirty – Christina Aquilera
Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani
Run The World (Girls) – Beyonce


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