Tooting My Own Horn

Let me set the stage for you.

I was feeling ravenous from all those crazy Insanity workouts.  The kids were in bed, so I could eat whatever I chose without having to hide in a dark closet somewhere for fear of sharing.  (Don’t act like you haven’t learned to open candy wrappers with nary a crinkle.)  There were even full-sized Hershey bars sitting in the freezer (had to replenish the previously depleted supply). 

I chose salad.  And it was good.

Fer realz, yo.  Dead serious.  I couldn’t get enough of those dark leafy greens, those crunchy organic carrots and red bell peppers, coated ever-so-lightly with Wegmans Traditional Italian dressing.  Just typing this, I swear to the gods of all that is fit, my mouth is watering.  For a freakin’ salad.  And not a taco salad or a bowl of greens topped with ranch dressing and fried chicken strips.  Just a bowlful of that organic spring mix and various veggies chopped into bitesize pieces.  The cool crispness of it, the simple flavors!  How did this become more appealing than (dare I say it?!?) chocolate cake????

I have not a freakin’ clue.  I just don’t know.  The switch flipped AGAIN.  How many switches can one FitGal possibly have?  First the workout switch.  Then the Shakeology switch and the vegetarian switch and the nonalcoholic switch.  Now a salad-over-junk-food switch???  Sometimes, I just have to shake my head in wonderment at how far I’ve come and how much my awesomeness increases every day.

I was just describing this very scenario in a message with a friend who is on her own fitness journey.  She was, in her own words, “tooting her own horn” but then almost apologizing for doing so, perhaps, I believe, worried I may find her boastful.  Um…hello?  I reminded her that she was indeed speaking the Master Tooter, the Queen of Tooting, the Tooter of all Tooters…and so no need to backtrack on her own toots.

And yes, I found the irony and the humor in the language used, which is why you’re reading about it now.  I get it.  Toot = fart.  And because I possess the humor level of a six-year-old, that is freakin’ hysterical.  Especially because I have cleared rooms lately with all the veggie intake.  My apologies are extended if I don’t get a handle on all these new gastrointestinal shenanigans before I see you out in public…but hey, it’s just the result of some good ol’ fashioned healthy eatin’!  Join me!  The old song is true: the more ya toot, the better ya feel.  It’s my mantra for the time being anyway.

And it’s bound to get worse, because I gotta add in some more beans to make up for the protein I’m not getting from meat.  I’m back on dairy for now, until I sit down and research that part too.  Mainly because I just feel better when I don’t eat dairy, but right now, it’s a convenient source of protein for me.  But the beans are still necessary, and I really do love ’em.  They fill me up, give me energy, and – most importantly – they’re quite delicious…and good for your heart…*snort*chuckle*snort*

So I ain’t ashamed to toot my horn.  Which is good, because sometimes, I just can’t help myself, no matter how hard I may try.  Consider this fair warning: meet me outdoors and stand downwind until my body adapts to the new diet.  It’ll adapt, just like my tastebuds adapted.  Till then, I’ll consider it a trumpet of triumph over my previous malnourished ways.


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