Open Book Policy

open bookYeah, I’m still here.


Not rarin’ to go exactly, but here.  I have hesitated to post lately because, well…I haven’t had any motivating thoughts to dish out.  And what I have to say doesn’t exactly flow with my previous blogs.

Yes, I’m still putting in the workouts.  Yes, I’m still eating clean (most of the time).  But my sparkle is getting dustier by the day.  My runs have gone from joyful bursts of forward motion to sludging through swampy exhaustion.  I am running low on motivation and high on guilt (okay, so I ate some old Christmas candy and some movie theater popcorn).  What gives?

Well, let’s take a look at the old body, shall we?

First, there’s the Return of Insomnia, Part II.  Or part 20, but who’s counting?  I would, but my brain is fried from lack of sleep.  I crash each night, utterly exhausted, for about an hour or two only to awake in a sweaty fitful mess, unable to find that sleep comfort zone until half an hour before the alarm goes off.

Second, there’s the kind of tired that comes from an elsewhere I haven’t figured out yet.  I’ve dealt with insomnia and anemia before, but this is a whole different level of fatigue.  I’m taking my iron daily; I’m eating mostly right; I’m exercising.  And still tired.  Plus, there are these dizzy spells and bouts of nausea that appear suddenly, like eager Jehovah’s Witnesses.  And they’re just as annoying because they also refuse to simply go away.

Third, I’ve lost my abs that I longed for and worked so hard to get.  I kept blaming The Great Holiday Debacle.  Then I pointed fingers at The Attack of the Caramel DeLite.  Well, I’ve been eating much better, if not perfectly, for weeks now with no change.  Which I find frustrating to say the least.

Finally, I have come to the conclusion that I must heed my own advice and schedule a physical.  I am about to admit something that I would chastise you for: I haven’t had a physical in over three years.  Not since before my youngest was born.  My head hangs in fitness shame, for this does not line up with the rest of my lifestyle.  I am overly anal about visits to the eye doctor; I am responsible about visits to the dentist; I always schedule my yearly gyno exam.  Yet I have allowed the physicals to slide through the cracks.

So now I am ready.  Because I want my sparkle back.  I want to enjoy my workouts and take the kids hiking, running, and swimming instead of suggesting yet another movie for family time.  I’d love for my marathon training to be just as zen-like and rejuvenating as it was last year.

In the meantime, I going back to basics.  I will start another Whole 30 Challenge on Sunday.  I am postponing a regular Insanity schedule until things are sorted out.  I will continue with yoga and marathon training (just at slower paces).

So there you have it.  I wallowed for a few days.  Avoided writing this post or sharing anything via the SweatItOut Facebook page or twitter feed.  But I think the best part of this blog is the open book policy I set out with and am determined to keep.  We all struggle; we can all overcome.

It’s always easier when you have support.


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