To Cleanse Or Not To Cleanse…

I decided the time had come: I was prepared to do a 3-day juice cleanse.


Six juices a day.  Fruit snacks (as in, real fruit.  Not pseudo-gummy bears).  Lean meat and veggies for dinner.  Tea, bone broth, water mixed in all day.  I could do that.  Not a problem.  I even got Hubby on board, albeit with slightly less enthusiasm.  So I stocked up.



Day 1

5:00 a.m.: Daughter wakes and vomits.  Decision is made to forgo wrestling tournament.

6:00 a.m.: Hubby and I drink first juice.  Pat selves on backs.  We are off to a great start.

Drinking first juice

7:30 a.m.: Hubby and Older Son depart for tournament to help with scoring/timing/towel throwing.  I brew tea, again pat self on back.

8:30 a.m.: Daughter announces she is healed and needs to wrestle in tournament.  Mad rush to shower and ready Daughter and Younger Son.

9:00 a.m.: Depart without juice.

This ends Day 1 of the Juice Cleanse.

Totally worth it!
Totally worth it!

Day 1, Redux

9:30 a.m.  Hubby and I drink first juice (again), pat selves on back (again).  Today will be better.


*the rest of the day follows according to plan, although only 4 of 6 juices are ingested due to sleeping in.

6:00 p.m. Dinner with Dear Friend.  Steak and asparagus.  Water.  Talk of kombucha.  Guilt over not yet beginning my SCOBY growth.  Mental note to stop procrastinating.  (*note: still have not begun SCOBY growth)

8:30 p.m. Mix almond milk concoction.  Fall in love.  This must be what the angels drink.

Nectar of the gods
Nectar of the gods

Day 2 (Should Have Been Day 3)

7:30 a.m. Hubby and I drink first juice.  Immediately mix second juice so Hubby can take it to work.  Pat selves on back.  Today is starting stronger.

*much of morning is spent in detox bath, reading Alice Hoffman and downloading free Shakespeare onto Kindle.

11:30 a.m. Nearly hangry (not a typo) but drink already-prepped second juice and feel remarkably better.  Follow with bone broth and tea.  Then popcorn.  WTF?!

1:30 p.m. Drink third juice.  Feeling quite proud.  Popcorn not such a huge cheat.

Third juice ingredients.  They make me feel nutritionally superior.
Third juice ingredients. They make me feel nutritionally superior.

2:30 p.m.  Pick up Daughter and Older Son from school.  Requests made for local diner.  I cave.  Order cabbage soup.  Order French fries.  With side of mayo.  Order BLT.  Order pie and coffee.  Seriously…WTF???

 This is not juice.
This is not juice.

This is where I stand now.  I will drink another juice or two before bedtime.  And I will drink much juice tomorrow.  Here is my takeaway:  I suck at not eating food.  Sure, I enjoy my myriad drinks on the daily.  But…I need sustenance I can chew.  And a gal can only eat so many apples.  (They make me belch like Ogre.)

Once and for all, I know: cleanses are not for me.  I always fall off.  Better that I drink an extra juice each day and plan real food meals than plan juice meals and eat crap.

So there is no Day 3.  There’s just me.  Eating good stuff and drinking more juice.

Still dreaming about that coconut cream pie.


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