Neon Lights

Run away from the lights!
Run away from the lights!

It’s been a long, hard winter, folks.  The best evidence I found was in the fitting room at Target.  In the mirror.  As I confidently tried to squeeze myself into the same size bikini I flounced about in last summer.

“Tried to squeeze” being the operative phrase.

Did it help that I could see myself from all angles after many months of not seeing myself from the chest down (we do not currently own a full length mirror)?  Did it help that those glaring fluorescent lights aren’t even flattering to Scarlet Johannson?

It was a moment worthy of a horror-film soundtrack, so unaware was I of how much my own body had changed.  I mean, I knew changes had taken place, sure.  I can feel my weakened state.  But I only weigh in at the doctor’s office and my clothes tend toward the stretchy.  I was amazed at the ass I saw in the mirror.  The ass, the hips, the thighs, the belly.  Where did they come from?

Now, we all know that fitness is not a journey for mere aesthetic reasons.  We use it to get strong and healthy and improve our quality of living.

But I still want a cute butt.

There, I said it.  It’s out.  I want my muscular lines back, that little curve of bicep and tricep, that definitive distinction between my ass and my upper thigh.  Yes, I want my strength back as well, and I’ll take my endurance while I’m at it.

I feel robbed, cheated.  Flares have stolen one of my most prized achievements: physical fitness.  My legs have never been smooth examples of musculature, but they’ve always been strong.  Now I am building from a level I don’t ever remember being on before.  And not only is bikini-and-short-wearing season upon us, but the PA Spartan Sprint is less than two months away.

I don’t think I’ll be ringing the rope climb bell this year, either.


I am not falling into an emotional-stress-eating tailspin (as would have occurred just a few short years ago).  Nor am I going to head into workout overdrive, which I now understand would just put me shoulder-deep in another flare or severe adrenal fatigue.  No, this time I have a reasonable plan.  Are you ready for this top secret info?  It sounds crazy, but it just might work…

I’m going to eat clean and exercise regularly. 

No, really.  That’s my magic pill.  Don’t get me wrong, I will continue to wrap in conjunction with my diet & exercise plan (don’t knock it till ya try it, my friend!), but my main plan focuses solely on keeping to the straight and narrow of the fitness path.  No cheats (excepting Jubilee Day and the few fabulous weddings I’ll be attending in the coming months) and no skipping workouts because I’m too “busy.”   The fatigue is mostly – mostly – out the excuse window now that I’m back on B12 shots and my regular supplements, as well as returning to a Paleo plan.  On the days it floats back in the window…yoga.  (Actually, on all days…yoga.  It’s necessary for me.)

I’ve got a reasonable plan.  Not an “Oh-my-freakin’-God-I’ve-got-to-have-Gisele’s-body-by-tomorrow!” chaotic tailspin of fasting and crazed cardio.  In the meantime, I’m a little extra bootylicious.

Enjoy it while it lasts, Hubby.  😉



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